Self-perception, how it changes!

Last weekend, I found on an old videotape an episode of La Course destination monde in which I appeared. That TV show was a budding filmmakers series in which a group of twentysomethings were sent around the world separately to make short documentary films, which were then rated. There were several money prizes for the best films and filmmakers, etc. Basically, it was a smart cross between reality TV and a game show, minus the bickering. Anyways, in early 1993, one of the shows were taped with a studio audience jury (usually, there were only 2 pro juries who got to rate and crititicize the films).

In the extract below, you can see me at age 17 (nevermind the bright red shirt, I dunno what the hell I was thinking — the show’s director must have been pissed off at me). Well, back then I thought I was so fat and ugly, and of course I believed that no guy would ever be interested in me… that kind of not-so-positive thinking. In reality, I didn’t look that bad, and my hair was kinda cute. The clothes were meh, but that was in 93, so many people can say the same thing themselves. As for weight, well, I was just barely chubby at the time (not that there’s anything wrong with being fat, but that’s not how I saw it back then).

Of course, self-confidence plays a huge role in how others react to us. Even though I’m fatter now than I was as a teen, I rarely ever encounter name-calling and teasing like I did in high school, not even from teenagers. To stop internalizing the fat=ugly and thin=pretty equations is also quite liberating. Like everyone I do have days where I look at myself in the mirror and it hits me like a brick wall; fortunately, the bad body days are few and between and they never last long (no more than a day, two at the very most).

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2 Comments

  1. April D said,

    September 4, 2008 at 11:06 am

    J’adore le francais! 🙂 It is always amazing how much having self-confidence does affect how others perceive us and how we view ourselves as well. And I personally have to think that even most self confident, most self loving person in the world still has to have a day or two when the just feel blah!

  2. dollyann said,

    November 15, 2008 at 2:59 am

    What do you mean, “I didn’t look that bad”? You’re adorable! 🙂 Your face has a beautiful shape and the hair is very cute! 😀


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