Swimsuit issue solved!

Well, after all, I will not buy my next swimsuit at Addition-Elle and it won’t be Roots brand. It will be a TYR model made for aquagym (the model I’m looking at goes up to size 20, which is my size, but if they’re sold out of all three colors in my size, there are two other model that I can choose from, including one that goes up to size 26 but has a stomach panel, which I don’t care for. It also means that if Tyr’s sizing is on the small side, I have another option).

The store that sells them is located not too far from my home and the price is pretty decent: $60 per suit. I’ll buy it Saturday so I’ll have a new suit for my next class, which is next Tuesday.

Issue with one particular blog

I wish there was a way to control what blogs appear within a blogroll in Google Reader. Here’s why.

I use Google Reader to keep up with the fatosphere. I added two versions of the Fatosphere blogroll (after I realized that the first version I added was slower to update) as well as the Fat Liberation blogroll (since there might be some blogs on that roll that are not in the Fatosphere).

One newcomer to the Fat Liberation blogroll is a right-wing blogger who goes by the nick “Coffee Catholic”. I know that there is space here for varying opinions but when I read a comment from that blogger that goes “That’s because you creepy man-looking Feminist/Liberals cannot even begin to imagine what it means to love beyond your selfish self-serving selves.”, it pisses me off and makes me feel attacked. She turned off comments for some reason (ummm, wonder why?) and to be frank, aside from one or two entries, I don’t even see what her blog has to do with being fat.

I’m kinda sitting on the fence here (I could imagine that if that person subscribed to the blogrolls, she’d skip over nudiemuse’s entries, to name one blogger whose overall opinions and points of view are at the spectrum opposite of Coffee Catholic’s). I admit it: I am a liberal, left-wing, pro-choice agnostic feminist fat straight woman (phew! that’s a lot of adjectives!!!) who believes in the right for gay marriage and gay rights in general. I rarely (if ever) discuss politics and religion in my writings because I feel these topics to be private. So when I read homophobic, right-wing, anti-feminist entries (that have nothing to do with fat acceptance) in the blogroll, it makes me uncomfortable.

I don’t know where the line can be crossed for someone’s blog to become unsuitable for the Fat Liberation roll, but for now, my only option is to quickly scroll down whenever I see the name Coffee Catholic.

*Update* A couple of readers have mentioned adding blogs individually in google reader. It is a good idea per se, but I’m afraid to miss out on some wonderful new addition to the group if I proceeded that way. I also find that, with all the blogs I enjoy reading, this would make Google Reader even more cluttered than it is already (I did add some individual blogs that have nothing to do with FA but that I enjoy reading, like You may also like and Will write for chocolate). Guess there is no perfect solution… Meh.

My next clothing shopping spree

This Friday, I will be purchasing some clothes for the fall. I’m getting a bathing suit for my aquagym class (despite my best efforts, the clorine levels at the pool are so high that they are murder on my suit), a pair of black jeans for the fall (I kept the old pair’s tag to remember which model I bought last time) and maybe (just maybe) a new bra (if there’s any in cute colors). I love my capris (one cargo, one pink jeans), but bare calves won’t be so comfy as we go further into fall. My sole pair of pants (black soft cords that I love) are great, but I need one more pair. Will probably hit the Addition-Elle outlet store, since they do have some sales of older models that the regular stores don’t have.

One thing I’d love to find is a decent fall jacket. Nothing too cheap in the making, nothing too fancy but not too casual. I have plenty of sports jackets, but I have nothing that’s cool yet casual. Guess if I’m meant to find it this weekend, I will. Otherwise, guess I will have to continue wearing what I already have. We’ll see.

Watch out for young idiots ahead

I know that many of you have expressed lately some doubt about the usefulness of blogging about FA. Sure it does get repetitive at times, and not every subject covered interests me (especially not politics). I myself haven’t blogged much lately, mostly because I couldn’t think of any subject really to write about (I prefer blogging left often than filling my blog with silly little fillers all the time).

Anyways, tonight was my first aquagym class of the semester and I went the usual way to class. Except that I had no music for once. For some reason, I didn’t feel like bringing the shuffle and I didn’t want to bring my new iPod to the pool. The school is located near a park that includes a skate park area. Since it was past 8pm, it was already dark. Well, I got badly harassed/catcalled by some fucking idiot teens, all sexual comments of course, which I won’t reprint here (you can imagine the kind of comments I got).

It’s easy to blame the harassment on weight, but here’s one thing I figured out upon thinking about it: with these assholes, us women always lose. Whether you’re fat, skinny, tall, short, pretty, ugly, sexy, butch/tomboy, girlish, nerdy, cool, they’ll always find a way to harass you one way or another. Anyone who thinks that mysogyny in pop culture doesn’t transcend the entertainment industry, here’s a good example of its effects in real life. Now, it’s very likely that at least one of these kids didn’t think I was so unattractive or simply internally disagreed with it all, but the fact that he participated in a passive or active way to the harassment puts him at the same level as all the others. In fact, he’d be one hell of a spineless, gutless wimp to let peer pressure guide him around like that.

Still, this situation pisses me off greatly. Here I am at almost 33, and yet, I’m struggling to not fall into my teenage thinking patterns. I do know better, and my rational side did come up with the conclusion above (which makes it easier to deal with)…

Self-perception, how it changes!

Last weekend, I found on an old videotape an episode of La Course destination monde in which I appeared. That TV show was a budding filmmakers series in which a group of twentysomethings were sent around the world separately to make short documentary films, which were then rated. There were several money prizes for the best films and filmmakers, etc. Basically, it was a smart cross between reality TV and a game show, minus the bickering. Anyways, in early 1993, one of the shows were taped with a studio audience jury (usually, there were only 2 pro juries who got to rate and crititicize the films).

In the extract below, you can see me at age 17 (nevermind the bright red shirt, I dunno what the hell I was thinking — the show’s director must have been pissed off at me). Well, back then I thought I was so fat and ugly, and of course I believed that no guy would ever be interested in me… that kind of not-so-positive thinking. In reality, I didn’t look that bad, and my hair was kinda cute. The clothes were meh, but that was in 93, so many people can say the same thing themselves. As for weight, well, I was just barely chubby at the time (not that there’s anything wrong with being fat, but that’s not how I saw it back then).

Of course, self-confidence plays a huge role in how others react to us. Even though I’m fatter now than I was as a teen, I rarely ever encounter name-calling and teasing like I did in high school, not even from teenagers. To stop internalizing the fat=ugly and thin=pretty equations is also quite liberating. Like everyone I do have days where I look at myself in the mirror and it hits me like a brick wall; fortunately, the bad body days are few and between and they never last long (no more than a day, two at the very most).