OMG! Boobiegate over at the Age of Conan game!

*cross-posted to a couple of my blogs, including Livejournal and the 30 Lives blog*

O noes, horny male gamers who like to confuse their videogames and their pr0n fantasies are pissed off because the latest patch to the Age of Conan MMORPG accidently shrank the boob size of the game’s female characters…

http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2008/06/gamers-will-not.html (warning — the link’s links, and possibly the link itself, lead to serious sanity points-draining nerd territory and are also be NSFW)

You know… this is completely unacceptable! After all, only young, single, straight adult males play videogames! You know, why have flat-chested girls like Olive Oyl (Popeye) or Pauline (Donkey Kong) in videogames? Heck, Mario dumped Pauline for Princess Peach! Or what about that plus-size gaming queen of the 80s, Ms. Pac-Man? Totally unacceptable in this age of so-called obesity crisis! Keep her away from the power pellets and put her on the Wii Fit asap!!!

Seriously, I’m getting really sick and tired of videogame designers thinking that there must be only one gamer demographic out there. There should not be a correlation between a female videogame character’s boob size and the quality of the game. Would have Tomb Raider been as popular has Lara Croft been a plain-jane type? Dunno. On the other hand, the bra size of Samus does not impact the quality of the Metroid series. I couldn’t care less how sexy and eye-candy a character is, if the game is good. However, if it serves as a lazy cop-out to cover the fact that the game is crappy, then go back to the designing board and come up with a game with solid gameplay.

Personally, if you’re threatening to cancel your subscription to a MMORPG just because the female characters are suddenly less male-porn fantasy material, either you’re not a gamer, or the game itself actually sucks.

It’s days like this where I really like my CTRL-ALT-DEL webcomic t-shirt featuring the series’ Lilah, saying “Girls play videogames too. You’d know this if you went out of the house sometimes”.

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6 Comments

  1. Guest said,

    June 6, 2008 at 2:49 am

    As a female gamer who plays and enjoys Age of Conan, I was actually rather annoyed with the change in possible breast size. You might also be annoyed to know that in beta, it was possible to make your character fat, but they patched that as well. As a woman who has DDD breasts, I think I ought to be able to make a toon who looks like me. Besides, AoC is rated M, so why not have the ability to make chicks with big breasts.

    On another note, if female toons can run around half-naked, then the men ought to be able to run around with their penises showing.

    All that aside, I may gripe, but I’m most definatly not going to cancel my sub over it. It’s an awesome game.

  2. Piffle said,

    June 6, 2008 at 3:36 am

    I’d like more female-friendly games too. I don’t do MMORPG’s, but I love Oblivion, Thief, Civ etc. Oblivion actually had the ability to really modify the character’s face, it was cool to play with.

    Actually, that might be the way to go, let people pick the bust sizes for their characters.

  3. ladyjaye75 said,

    June 6, 2008 at 4:21 am

    @Guest: Well, that’s the thing. If they offer different body sizes and types, boob size would be a non-issue. But you know that they’re not making the female characters big-breasted so you can relate to them but so that young, horny, straight guys could drool at them (basically the nerd version of the Maxim target audience). Besides, you’ve said it yourself: the female characters can run half-naked but not the male characters…

  4. Guest said,

    June 6, 2008 at 5:07 am

    I liked being able to make a big breasted female like myself and not only because I have big boobs. I also got to make my character pretty buff, which I like. She’s no female version of Arnold, but she’s pretty dang buff all the same. I’m a straight female and I like checking out my female toon. She’s got a great ass. I don’t care if young men are drooling over my toon. The game is rated M.

  5. Shinobi said,

    June 6, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    I’ve played Age of Conan and the boob options are basically “boobs that would only be considered small if you were in porn” to “boobs that are about the same size as most chicks in porn.” Theoretically you’re also supposed to be able to make your character fatter or whatever, but it’s more like… plus size model fat. (a la ANTM)

    I actually think the funniest part is that you can run around topless with gigantic boobs. You can swing a sword and fight and your gigantic boobs NEVER GET IN YOUR WAY even when you are naked. The “Half my boob is now under my armpit” thing, never occurs, even as you swirl in circles with your hands over your head.

    Basically, the boob physics are terrible.

  6. Guest said,

    June 6, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    It’s a game. It’s not supposed to be like real life. In real life, Amazons used to chop off a boob in order to better use a bow and arrow. It’s nice to have a toon whose boobs stay in place, even if that’s not how they’d be in real life.


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